A gentle answer turns away wrath,

but a harsh word stirs up anger. Prov 15:1

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam;

so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out. Prov 17:14

It is to a man’s honor to avoid strife,

but every fool is quick to quarrel. Prov 20:3

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded,

and a gentle tongue can break a bone. Prov 25:15

Like a city whose walls are broken down

is a man who lacks self-control. Prov 25:28

The book of Proverbs is something like "How To Win Friends and Influence People" written for monarchs (see Introducing Proverbs for more information).But it is also helpful for people like you and me, living our lives in daily relationships with family members, fellow workers and anyone else with whom good relations mean personal profit.

Getting along with others is a key skill which is necessary if we’re to live productive, happy lives. The proverbs in this study are a sample of those which teach us how to achieve harmonious and successful relationships with others.

1. How would a person normally react if someone began furiously scolding him or her? (Focus on the reaction, not the rightness or wrongness of the people involved.)

2. Read the proverbs above. How does your answer to the previous question  explain why "a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov 15:1)?

3. Why, then, does "a gentle answer" turn away wrath?

4. Proverbs 17:14 refers to temporary earth dams used to direct water through a system of irrigation canals. With this information and the memories of small dams you may have built (and destroyed) as a child, what similarities might there  be between the beginning of strife and a leak in a dam?

5. How have you or someone you know avoided an interpersonal calamity by "dropping the matter" before a dispute broke out?

6. Read Judges 8:1-3 and 12:1-6. These passages show how two different judges responded to the hotheadedness of the Ephraimites. Using Proverbs 15:1 and 17:14, explain what happened in each case.

7. Some might say that avoiding strife shows weak character, a timidity in resisting evil. And certainly, there are weak-willed people who fit this description. How, then, can we explain Proverbs 20:3—that it’s a honor to avoid strife?

8. In the ancient world, a city’s walls were its basic defense from attack. Villages without walls were poor places; only in protected cities did civic, economic and cultural institutions thrive, bringing the city a higher standard of living and power over its surrounding territories. With this background, explain how a person with no self-control is like a city without walls.

9. Can you think of an area in your life where your "city walls" need repair? Explain.

10. Looking back on these proverbs, which is more important in living happily  with those around you—the words and deeds of those you relate to, or your own words and deeds? Why?